In what is either the greatest publicity stunt or the worst online dating profile ever, Austin-based photographer Romeo Rose (his real name is Larry Busby) has launched Sleepless in Austin, a website dedicated to finding this particular Romeo his very own Juliet.
Now, normally we support everyone's quest for love — until it's posted on the Internet along with pretty boneheaded requirements for your prospective love match. So what is this wedding photographer looking for, exactly? For the record, almost everything he writes needs a (sic), so this is just a general one.
First, NO FATTIES! Well, no one who weighs more than 130 pounds.
I like girls that are thin, or with a toned or athletic build. A average build is fine too, just as long as you are not over weight. I will not date a overweight or fat girl. I like girls that are 130 pounds or less. Of course weight needs to be in proportion to their height, as long as they aren’t considred overweight, they should be fine. Being overweight is a total dealbreaker with me.
So put down that cheeseburger already and call this dude.
Second, NO SLUTS!
I will not date any girl that has ever had a threesome, or a large number of past sexual partners. I do not want a promiscuous slut, I want a normal, decent, good hearted girlfriend.
You know, it's about time all of us sluts got called out on our sluttiness.
Third, NO BLACK GIRLS! OR WHITE GIRLS WHO HAVE SLEPT WITH BLACK MEN!
I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl. And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together. I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.
But don't worry; he's not racist. In fact, he says he gets along better with black guys!
He also has very strong opinions about what childbirth does to woman's body:
I prefer a woman that has never had children, because having kids does ruin a womans body often times. They end up with stretch marks. And also sometimes it makes their vagina looser, and I don’t care how many kegel exercises a woman does, after she has 2 or 3 eight to ten pound babies, you can’t tell me it’s going to be 100% as tight as it ever was! Plus, what’s even worse than all of that, is sometimes during childbirth the lips/vulva of a woman get torn and they never look the same as the did originally even after they heal, that’s why some women even get cosmetic reconstructive surgery to their vulvas after childbirth to try and regain their original appearance.
Preach it, brother.
He also hates tattoos (no wonder he's having a hard time dating in Austin), thinks East Austin is just "poverty stricken, ghetto people crime infested neighborhoods" (read: has black people and people with tattoos), and hates North Austin (he thinks it's lame) and breast implants. But he does like kissing.
You can also peruse his "Photos of Famous Friends," but the only really recognizable one is Jesco White from Dancing Outlaw and The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. The rest are just pictures of Ross dressed in a Sgt. Pepper's jacket and standing awkwardly next to people.
He also loves Alex Jones, thinks 9/11 was an inside job and adores the movie Sleepless in Seattle. So there it is, ladies. Make sure you reference this article when you apply, so we get that $1,500. If you're not on the market, don't worry — you can also get Ross to shoot your wedding!