This week's Pethouse Pet of the Week has a lot to say about the Astros, O.J., the AT&T ad with warped geography, the best Costco find, and a spicy letter about the Ken Hoffman hot dog at Minute Maid Park.
Pethouse Pet of the Week
Name: Sasha, as in tennis star Zverev, WWE superstar Banks and Olympic skating silver medalist Cohen.
Birthdate: Jan. 3, 2014, barely out of Pampers. I weigh a trim, tidy 9.6 pounds. I’ve got a long, long way to go.
Ethnicity: Let’s say I’m a girly-girl Terrier mix and leave it at that. But ain’t I the cutie?
Come and get me: I’m available for adoption at Citizens for Animal Protection (17755 Katy Freeway; 281-497-0591), beginning Friday at 11 am. Don’t forget, every lucky human who adopts a dog from CAP in July is eligible to win a free weekend at the swanky, pet-friendly Omni Houston Hotel.
Sasha’s thinking: With apologies to Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company, Papa John’s has won a “pizza my heart.” That’s because Houston-area Papa John’s has a deal this month – 40-percent off any pizza ordered online, with all profits from this promotion donated to the Houston SPCA. Just use the promo code “HoustonSPCA” when you place the order.
I asked Keith Sullins, who owns 80 Papa John’s pizza restaurants, why?
“Houston has too many stray and abandoned animals. Papa John’s Houston wants to help any way we can. I have been an active animal supporter for many years. I’ve been around animals my whole life and I’ve fallen in love with every one of them,” Sullins said.
Sullins owns a farm in Magnolia and he could give Old MacDonald a run for his money. “Right now I have 43 cows, two of them are named Betsy and Guernsey. I have two dogs, Lucy and Bear, both Australian shepherds. I also have two cats, Minute and Cat,” he said.
See me after class
AT&T has a commercial where “Farmer Ray,” is digging a hole “to China.” Nice geography, AT&T. If you dig a hole, starting anywhere in the U.S., all the way through the Earth, you’ll wind up in … the Indian Ocean. Cyndi Lauper gets an F, too, for her song “Hole in My Heart (All the Way to China).”
After a last-minute surge of action, online betting sites had O.J. Simpson a heavy favorite to be granted parole Thursday. The next big prop bet: who will get the O.J. interview on primetime TV? I mean, after the Juice tries to sell the interview on pay-per-view TV and gets laughed at. I’m installing Diane Sawyer as the even money favorite, followed by Katie Couric and Barbara Walters. Megyn Kelly? Absolute zero chance.
While we’re in a wagering mood, I’ve got $10 on Tilman Fertitta buying the Houston Rockets. He can afford it, you know, since I dropped $100 at his Golden Nugget in Lake Charles. Fertitta is the right guy for the Rockets. He thinks HUGE, and that’s what it takes to win in the NBA.
Hurts so good
The Astros are amazing. Every time one of their star players gets hurt, the team goes on a winning tear. Dallas Keuchel, Collin McHugh, Charlie Morton and Lance McCullers all went down this season. The Astros just laughed at the injured list. The Carlos Correa injury should lock up the World Series.
Best Costco find
Kirkland brand Panko Breaded Shrimp, 50-70 count, for $20. Bake ‘em in the oven, fantastic. Only problem, it’s impossible to stop eating them. No one had to tell me “mach schau!” (That’s Beatles talk for “make a show.”)
Went to Minute Maid Park and asked workers where I could find the “Ken Hoffman New York Hot Dog.” No one could advice. Finally found it, but they served it with yellow mustard. When I asked for spicy brown mustard, they had no idea what I was talking about. Felt you should know. – Neal Hirsch, Houston
(Answer) My blood pressure is a billion over a trillion. I am on this, don’t you worry. My hot dog can only be served with Gulden’s Spicy Brown Mustard. Putting yellow mustard on my hot dog is like painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa.
Ken Hoffman’s adorable, adoptable Pethouse Pet of the Week runs every Thursday on CultureMap.com. Ken can be reached at email@example.com or on Facebook.