Name: Vex, as in ... where does Citizens for Animal Protection come up with these names? It's not like these strays get picked up with a driver's license and birth certificate in their fanny packs. It's really vexing.
Birthday: Feb. 24, 2018. I'm barely out of diapers, so you're getting a beautiful puppy, with everything that comes along with a beautiful puppy.
Ethnicity: I'm a foxy Foxhound. Just take one look at me. Now that the Miss America Pageant has been reduced to a spelling bee (a step up from what it was), the Westminster Dog Show is officially the best beauty pageant in the U.S. — not counting morning news shows in Houston. I weigh 30 pounds, so I may be a plus-size model when I, let's say, fill out. I'm tons of fun and full of energy. I love playing with humans and other animals, especially kids over eight. I'm ready for obedience training, and, get this: all CAP dogs get 50-percent off the regular fee at Rover Oaks in Katy. But truth be told, I mostly love to sit with a family and watch TV and do a whole lot of nothing.
Come and get me: I'm available for adoption at 11 am Friday at Citizens for Animal Protection (17555 Katy Freeway; 281-497-0591). Tell them, "Ken sent me."
Vex's visions: Fond farewell to Rachel McNeill, Channel 2 morning anchor and happy wake-up call. Also my neighbor in sparkling West U. McNeill is moving to Phoenix where her big shot doctor husband is taking a huge job. Good luck to both of them, and their boys.
Hey, I used to live in Phoenix before moving to Houston in the late '80s. I could use a favor, Rachel. I lived on Thomas Road, by 46th Street. It was a gray house with green trim around the windows. I think I left a pair of black Nike tennis shoes in the garage. Can you take a look and see if they're still there?
Now, as Jay Leno used to say, what's my beef? I was in New York this week to judge the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. You may have heard about a slight mishap in the judging.
Shakes on a plane
Anyway, let's open the complaint window about something more important. We all have our quirks and phobias, right? Mine happens to be ... I have to sit in an aisle seat on a plane. If I'm by a window or stuck in the middle, I will freak out. I can't do it. It's just me.
So, coming back, I noticed that the airline assigned me a middle seat. No good. I was already getting the shakes. I called the airline, and they said the plane was full, etc. etc. and only middle seats were available for the price I paid in economy.
Okay, how much extra to get an aisle seat? Answer: $165 for an aisle seat in economy plus. I'll take it, gave my credit card number, got my seat assignment, the whole thing.
I get to the airport, hit the kiosk for my boarding pass — I'm still stuck in the middle seat. Off to customer relations.
"Sorry, our records don't show that you reserved a seat in Economy Plus. No record of anything like that."
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some phone calls to make to get my $165 back. I have two hours set aside this afternoon for staying on hold.
Dog lover? Ken Hoffman introduces you to an adorable pup available for adoption in Houston every Thursday.