Here's the Pethouse Pet of the Week, and other random thoughts, ranging from Astros baseball to bullfighting to a colossal baked potato.
Name: Happy, as in Rockefeller, slap, and Keith Richards' rocking great song with the Rolling Stones.
Ethnicity: I’m a little bit rock ‘n’ roll, a little bit country, a little bit Dachshund, and a little bit Rat Terrier.
Date of birth: June 31, 2010.
Personality: I’m a cutie-pie girly girl, who’s spayed, HOUSEBROKEN, good with children and other animals, yadda yadda.
The Art of the Deal: I’m available for adoption starting at 11 am Saturday at Citizens for Animal Protection. Special one-time offer. If you’re 60 or older … I’m free! I’m all packed and ready to join you at Del Boca Vista.
Just touch the bag yourself, Yuli
I watch practically every Astros game on Root Sports. Here’s something I don’t understand. When a ground ball is hit to first baseman Yuli Gurriel, almost always he tosses the ball to the pitcher covering first, even though Gurriel could easily beat the runner to the bag himself. Why does he do this? Seems risky making an unnecessary throw. I’m asking you, Geoff Blum.
It’s grotesque, stop it
Saw on the news that a French matador was gored and killed in a bullfight recently. It doesn’t matter where you stand on animal rights, bullfighting must go. It’s gruesome and disgusting. Matadors aren’t courageous, they’re punks. The bull is 99 percent dead before the cowardly matador steps into the bullring. You know what would be fun? Watching those dumbasses chase each other around the bullring waving their silly red beach towels.
Astros are double-digits up on ‘em
Cheers to Channel 11 weekend sportscaster Daniel Gotera. He never calls that lackluster team up I-45 the "Texas Rangers." He calls them “Arlington Rangers.” I asked him why he does that. His answer: “I’m just being geographically accurate.”
It’s not even up for debate
True story: Last week, Chronicle columnist Lisa Falkenberg and I were invited on KUHF's Houston Matters to represent the home team in a “Houston vs. Dallas” discussion. I swear, when the station approached me, I thought they were joking. You could wake me from a sound sleep at 3 am, and I’d be able to give you 100 reasons why Houston is a hundred times better city than Dallas. By the time Falkenberg and I were just getting warmed up, people were yelling, “Stop the fight!”
Only big appetites need apply
Here’s the best thing I ate last week: The “3 Meat Monster Baked Potato” at Burns Original Barbecue.
“Monster” is putting it lightly. It starts with Burns Original Barbecue’s regular chopped beef baked potato, which is already big enough for two people, then they dump a mess of pork ribs and sliced sausage on it. I don’t work for the Bureau of Weights and Measures, but I’m guessing this dainty finger food tips the scales at two pounds plus.
“My brother (baseball star Carl Crawford) originated the "3 Meat Monster,” said Cory Crawford, the brains behind Burns Original Barbecue.
“When Carl comes to town, he asks us to add ribs and homemade links to our already enormous chopped beef baked potato. We use the biggest potatoes available. One day he asked me, ‘Why don’t you put this on the menu?’ So I did, and the response has been overwhelming.”
The "3 Meat Monster" costs $14.49.
Ken Hoffman's adoptable Pethouse Pet of the Week runs every Friday on CultureMap. Ken can be reached at email@example.com or on Facebook. To have all CultureMap stories, including Ken's columns, delivered to your inbox in one Daily Digest every morning, sign up here.