Name: Larry — as in my favorite Stooge Larry Fine, talk legend Larry King, first African-American in the American League Larry Doby, Beaver's friend Larry Mondello, hoops great Larry Bird, redneck funny character Larry the Cable Guy, porn publisher Larry Flynt, NFL magnet hands Larry Fitzgerald, and all-time comedy genius Larry David.
Birthday: April 13, 2018. I'm just a couple of months old, so consider me a small glob of clay for you to mold into the perfect pet.
Ethnicity: I'm a rat terrier, and if ever a breed needed a name change, it's mine. Hey, if "Beto" O'Rourke can run against "Ted" Cruz (both not their real first names), then we can change rat terrier to "pure terrier" or some other cheap trick to gain votes and hide who I really am.
Come and get me: I'm available for adoption at 11 am Friday, June 22 at Citizens for Animal Protection (17555 Katy Freeway; 281-497-0591). Tell them, "Ken sent me."
Larry's lingo: The other night, while relaxing at my country estate in Hill Country, I followed the Astros game on MLB.com. If you click on "play by play," there's a graphic of Minute Maid Park. The graphic is very accurate, including the Crawford Boxes and bullpens and centerfield scoreboard.
But there's one detail that ain't exactly right. Instead of the actual advertising signs in the outfield, most of the ads are for the MLB The Show 18 video game. I get it, MLB is advertising its own product. Budweiser didn't buy in. One sign is really weird, though. Instead of reading "Torchy's Tacos," it says "Safety's Tacos."
Safety first, then tacos
Huh? What is "Safety's Tacos?" Here's one way of looking at it, courtesy of the Rice University Neologisms Database, which is like an urban dictionary for eggheads.
"Safety Taco: the extra taco from Taco Bell that you get because of your uncertainty of hunger level. The safety taco is equivalent to a safety net, but with tacos. It is usually purchased on a late-night food run. You buy an extra taco because they are fairly inexpensive and it would be worse to be hungry than to throw away an extra taco."
And now more information than you care about:
Etymology: "safety" comes from the Old French "salvetet," from the Modern Latin "salvitate, from Latin "salvus." "Taco" is from Mexican Spanish in 1949. They even use it in a sentence: "I'm not sure I want to eat the safety taco."
Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll make a midnight Taco Bell run. Meet you there.
Dog lover? Ken Hoffman introduces you to an adorable pup available for adoption in Houston every Thursday.